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Red Skeltons recipe for the perfect marriage

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1.  Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.  She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2.  We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is  in California ,  and mine is in Texas .

3.  I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4.  I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  Somewhere I havent been in a long time! she said.  So I suggested the kitchen.

5.  We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6.  She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.

She said There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down! So, I bought her an electric chair.

7.  My wife told me the car wasnt running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was. She told me,  In the lake.

8.  She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.

9.  She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? The driver said, No, jump in!

10.  Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11.  I married Miss Right. I just didnt know her first name was Always.

12.  I havent spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I dont like to interrupt her.

13.  The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, Whats on the TV?

I said, Dust!

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